Bush Plane Bloopers Part 1

If you’re a float plane pilot in Alaska, there is one inevitable. Your going to slip off the floats or guide wire and fall in the water. For me, that inevitable happens about twice a year and usually includes one or two new cell phones. Insurance is a wonderful thing. The first time I fell in was my most memorable. It was pretty epic as far as the Alaskan baptism goes. The name of this story is called “Butt Lake.”

It was early June and the weather was great. Sunny and unusually warm for the time of June, light winds and clear skies. We really wanted to get an early start so we could have the rest of the day to relax since we knew it was only a matter of time before prime fishing season was upon us. During the peak of the fishing season, usually around August 6th till the end of the month, you wake up at 7, work all day until late evening, eat dinner, go to bed, and then repeat that 25 more times in a row with no break. If I could put a rough estimate on it, I would say that 50 percent, or roughly 200 fishermen from our total season fishing trips takes place in August. So, continuing with the story, for the past 3 years we have done some work for a university and it all takes place starting the first week of June, which works for us since we are not to busy. It was about the 4th or 5th flight of the day. All the passengers were already at the lake and the rest of the flights were all cargo. The group was preparing a camp for a larger group of about 20 scientists and students studying the lasting effects of tundra fires and permafrost. So as you can imagine, there was a substantial amount of gear. Before I get into the itty gritty, I have to tell you a little about this lake so you can build a mental picture. The size of the lake is roughly about 2200 foot diameter, not huge, but not small by any means. It was egg shaped and had several floating bogs in the center of the lake. Not really all that challenging, however, the depth of the lake was around 2 1/2 to 3 feet deep, every where. When a lake is shallow, the keel and water rudder drag in the mud and make it extremely hard to turn. Basically, once your on the water and off the step, the direction your heading is the only direction you can go, so it takes some pre-planning. Worse, it was mucky, and with that muck came that swampy sulfur smell that reminds you of the inside of porta john on hot summer day at the fair after a hot dog eating contest. So, there I was, unloading action packers, dry bags, and generators on this particular load. I had just finished unloading each of the float compartments, climb up into the cabin, grabbed an action packer, handed it to the helper on the floats and repeated the process several times. By my 5th time I was getting into a good rhythm. Grab, slid, hand to helper, repeat. As I handed the the 6th action packer, the helper was starting to fall behind and in an effort to make it easier on him, I leaned out the door and tried to put my foot on the step to support me while I handed him the action packer. Well, I completely missed the step, which had a pretty substantial impact on the next half a second. As I was falling from missing the step, my leg went between the steps, skinned my shin, flipped me upside down, and hurled me towards the pontoon head first. Mind you, I was still carrying my cargo in my hands. The action packer hit the float first, and proceeded to explode sending its contents in every direction. As Sir Isaac Newton said it best, “An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction.” My body continued on its projected course, head first, directly into “Butt Lake.” My hands were at my side, almost as if I was trying to be as aerodynamic as possible as I spearheaded the water like an olympic diver. My body continued its trajectory through the murky water until my forehead impaled the soft, squishy bottom of the lake. I specifically remember trying to free myself, thrashing around like a beached fish as a little worry began to set in since the action packer had knocked all the air out of my lungs and I was under water with half of my head buried in who knows what. It actually felt like I was all by myself down there until I felt something grab me by the scruff of my neck pulled me back to the light. It was really dark down there, lol. After I breached the surface, I kinda took me a second to get my surroundings and as I looked around I saw 5 faces looking directly back at me, no one saying a word. I could tell they were not saying anything until they could judge my response. You have two ways to act in a less than fortunate situation, get pissed, or laugh it off. I started laughing, which in turn, triggered every one else laughter. The best part of the story is it was my birthday. My birthday present to myself I guess. After that experience, I made sure to have a spare set of clothes in the airplane at all times, and they have come in handy a few times.

YEHAW!